Rough

So.. Sunday was a write off.
Sunny outside, so thoughts turned to all the place I couldn’t afford to go to. Reality sucks.
So I decided to stay in bed with a book as it was too cold to sit in the back bedroom. May as well keep warm.
By god I was in pain. My upper body ached, for a while I felt a bit weak down my left hand side – even moving the duvet hurt. As for my shoulder, neck and lower back -the agony. I don’t like taking painkillers – took a few too many once, but that’s another story.
I’d turned the mattress over, changed the sheets, smoothed out the mattress protector, the pillows are those supposedly memory foam type. Still doesn’t help put head in position where sinuses are kept clear. I probably need a new mattress as its about 16 years old. An expense I don’t need right now.
I’ve noticed for a while that my upper body strength was getting weaker, bending down hurts- tying my shoelaces is a nightmare, as for putting my socks on- I dread it. As for kneeling – can’t do it, and start panicking if can’t get up. Pressure on my chest if I bend down, also sends me into a panic.
I’m assuming all this is a reaction to STRESS. The job hasn’t started, indeed they phoned today to say they didn’t know a start date. As long as I get out of workfare, that’s all that matters in my goldfish bowl world at the moment.
Least I haven’t broken out in cold sores, yet, that was a recent stress reaction that started up after that useless shit I married buggered off. I large stye burst in my eye yesterday, so that shows I’m run down. Also been getting spots and cysts in my scalp, which is getting me down.
My skin isn’t great either.I’m forcing myself to drink water,not something I’m a fan of because I hate going to the loo so often, too often. I hope my kidneys aren’t packing up. Booked in for another blood test next week.

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